I was fortunate enough to have a close friend recognize my personality change and challenged me. Point blank she asked me, “You don’t seem to be walking with the Lord anymore. What’s going on?” I felt anger swell up inside at her having the audacity to even say such a thing to me, but I knew deep down that she was right. I had pulled away from the Lord. However, Satan is a crafty sort and I was quickly able to refrain from saying something not very Christian like and simply reply, “I’m sorry. I’m just tired and cranky today.” Praise God she had planted the seed I needed. I knew I had changed, I just didn’t know why. I felt shame and embarrassment at the thought of asking God to forgive me. Why should He? But I know our God is a forgiving and gracious God. It had been a long while since I had talked to Him. I don’t mean pray, I mean talk. Just talk to Him like I would with a friend. That evening, I sat up in my bed with darkness surrounding me. Nothing but a dim light of the smoke detector was visible. As I focused on the light, I began to pour out my heart. I told Him everything and apologized for shutting Him out when I really needed Him most. That’s when I realized I sometimes confuse Him with my earthly parents that would grow angry, lecture, criticize and punish me for any confession of wrong doing. I don’t know how, but God is able to forgive much easier than we humans can. He doesn’t let us go unpunished, but sometimes wallowing in our own guilt and persecution may be punishment enough in God’s eyes.
The next morning I woke up with a new attitude. I was excited to start my day. I began reading scriptures, watching Christian programs, reading some of my favorite Christian authors, attending church services and bible studies again. Never allow Satan a foothold into your soul. He will convince you of all kinds of falsehoods and make your life a living hell. Remember your heavenly father is always there and always forgives. He will help rid you of your anger and guilt if you put your trust and faith in Him.